spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
