This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
