I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
