We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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