I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
