everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
