Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
