R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
