woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
