the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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