You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
