I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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