when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just gift wrapped bread.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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