But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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