Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Damn victory sex feels great
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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