I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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