I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
