Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
