I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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