i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
