i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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