I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
