Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
