ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
