please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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