tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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