I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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