I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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