question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
