I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
