We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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