Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
