you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
