The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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