Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
