so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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