I can text with my tongue
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
