My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
