final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
