You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
