New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
