White coat. Heels.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
