Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
