Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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