How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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