if i can run in heels then i can drive
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
