so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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