Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
