Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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