Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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