She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
